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Tuesday, September 18, 2007
I certainly felt the "tiredness" of juggling and working. I am so exhausted now and all i wanna do is sleep. But i just can't shut my eyes. i need loong sleep badly..

Abdul Roydzuan,

You must think i am crazy , but if tomorrow never comes, i just want you to know that i love you. Eventhough there were times where you've hurt me deeply to the extend i've hated you soo much that i dont even wanna hear you voice what more see you. I even thought of leaving you as a revenge.But to see you hurt,its like hurting myself. Whatever it is, what happen on your birthday this year, was not a revenge from me. It happen unexpectedly. I didnt meant for things to go that way. and i apologised for it to happen.

i remember how you hugg me and kiss my forehead whenever we fought. It made me feel safe and love once again by you. The days where we sit and talked , laughed on your couch. It made me the most happy girl. And the times where i hurt you with words, pain you with my fist, scar you with my fingernails or probably more. I still remember the guy whom i first met,the guy who only look up to me, a ugly duckling, when he has a problem or bored. the guy who create mess with his ex gf.
I know you are not that guy anymore. You turned to be a wonderful man. A wonderful man whom i love and will always remember in my whole lifetime.

I know we've just known each other. 1 and a half year. It might be short and still early, but soo many things has that left me sitting and thinking. I never really have an answer from you that will make me feel full secured in your arms. My mindset worsen when the horrifying history , past by. It makes me hate you sometimes, but deep inside ,i know i love you. I love you for many things. You are my bestfriend and my lover but,i do not now which side of you i enjoy the most. I tresure each side of you, just like i tresure this relation we have together.You have something inside which is very special, Abdul Roydzuan, very special. But i've yet to discover what it is. Perhaps we need more time. more time to develop more love and sweet memories.

I dont know why i am writing this for you but when i look at you, i am frightened by knowledge that all this will have to end,not so soon, hopefully. I just cant bear to lose you yet. i am not begging you to stay nor go. Nor do i am am hoping for you to knee down on your knees and beg me for forgiveness and begg me not to leave you. No,not that. just to recognise how much i love you. I know that you are not gonna read this, but somehow if ever you come by,, i just wanna you to know that i love you when im typing this, I love you when you read this. It is a time like this where i craved for your warmth and comfort, of your hugss and touch.

I love you....