it still hurts;

Saturday, May 12, 2007

I've always made Mak unhappy..mayb i did, did something that make her happy sometimes but i forgot.all this times, there's a lot of times where i made her cry, angry,sad and uneasy..
6 years ago, when doctor told cik Ros and Ayah that Mak couldn't live long due to her cancer, i was studying for my PSLE..Cik Ros took all her courage to tell me first among the 3 siblings..I was devastated..I took care of her but she showed a brave front infront the whole family..i thought God is gonna take Mak away from us in my early age..but alhamdullilah, she is still here with us till today..

When she first got to know i was with Smoochy, she disagreed with our relationship.But i fought all the way, backing up Smoochy all the times, trying to convince her that both of us are seriously in love.She said alot of things that to me,hurt me very badly that time..When all those things came true, i regret.i really regret not listening to her..After she giveup on us and gave us a chance, our relationship doesn't take that opportunity, and went separate ways..she cry for me when i told her i miss Smoochy very much, she look me in the eye, as if she wanted to cry together with me..
She was with me all this while when she sees me not eating right,skipping my meals, change in the character i am, when i go through those depression days, vomitting everyday in the morning-like having a morning sickness.she was there to console me when i cried at night holding to Smoochy photos and belongings..When she asks bout Smoochy, i'll try my best to give a answer that will satisfy her when i actually don't really know whats the answer..I don't want to hurt her any further.

every single thing that she had sacrifice for me and the rest of my siblings are way too far not fair to what three of us did to her especially me..We make her cry, sad, angry,unhappy..just how much sins have we done to her..In every prayer i said, i asks God to take me first before He takes God and to give her a long and happy life she deserves..
In 10 to 15 years time, i will too become a mum and i don't want my kids to treat me like how i treat Mak in the past..but what goes around comes around..and i believe it..
So now, what ever i want to do or where ever i want to go, i'll tell Mak,,and i'm starting to treat her nice the way i should have done few years ago..
Ya Allah, thanks for giving me a chance to still have Mak here with me, to feel her love and care for me..Thanks for giving us and her the courage to go through those hard days together..Give her a long and happy life that she deserves all this past years..

Too all my aunts,all the mums in the world especially my mum, Smoochy's mum and Kak Yana..HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, May all your sacrifices and patience all this while received a payback that is far much more equal cause that is what u deserves...*hugggs*