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Thursday, May 10, 2007
i refrain myself from blogging not because i am running away from the problems that came without knocking. but to get away from the unaccommodating world of wide web.
I'm not exactly myself again..i'm still trying my best to get over the the past cause the past still lingers much in me and i'm having a really hard time..After the call incident, and i decided to close my blog for a period of time, i did alot of thinking to myself. i take everything has a challenge from God. mayb/probably HE loves me and gives me challenges in life to make me come nearer to him. mayb/probably, HE wants me to change for good.
Ever since that call and after i found out something shocking, it made me think twice. some poeple are really funny in their own character..I can just don't answer that particular call asking for the truth or even rejected it.But i choose not to cause i have to respect others especially when the person shares the same feelings as me. I "discover" that all those "advice" "tips" are just making he/she felt unsecure and bullshits!..mayb/probably he/she was refering to me..i'm not sure..but if its me, i am not offended at all. Cause you came to me asking for the truths and in the end you yourself felt unsecure..I didn;t call you in the past asking you bout the truth between both of you..Cause i don't blame anyone, cause i believe that it needs two hands to clap and make a sound and the trees won't sway without wind or if you don't shake it..You love him don't you? and i'm sure if you love him, you would trust him, rite? Why drag me into your love affairs?.I'm not mad or anything..Its just that i find you funny in handling you own matters..Here is what i've gotta say, be mature, think before you make any desicion and i guess you should have think even before you call me..Truths always and will always hurt.I don't want to hurt you nor him or even myself by telling the truth.There's just too many beans in the bags that you don't know, and i think with your kind of attitude, getting pissed off so easily, i guess, you don't even have to know..Cause even a simple word which brings different meaning to different people, will create a misunderstanding in you..Mayb/probably not only you but others.Bear no grudges nor hatred..I'm not creating an entry of misunderstanding or riddles for you to solve and get pissed off..Its just what i have to say all this while..I'm over with him..Its your time to experience him now..Remember that..I apologised if it really makes you misunderstand..

Many asked, am i still sore over my past relationship with Smoochy, the truth is, yes, i am..And its not something very exciting.I build tall, strong, thick walls made of love,loyalty,sincerity, care and the most important elements, patience and sacrifices,with my bear hands..i often pleaded with my softest voice my heart can meekly whisper.i prayed a small prayer everyday with big intentions hoping everything would come back. How can i forget you, when you are the first who sailed with me to land of Bermuda Triangle.its a big thing to give you the green light to sail with me in our boat.its our mistake.Our big mistake. I cannot imagined being someone's girlfriend after you..I just can't.I know you found my replacement even before we are apart.I owe you so much during our times.You will never know what i have gone through.This hot tears of pain that accompanied me while i wait for sleep to come, is here to stay every night. I've always said that i'll wait no matter what happens or when you are actually waiting for her,but now the wait is here to stay..I have no idea how long the waiting will last..I really have no idea.I take everything has God's challenge and punishment for me..This heartbreak,the torturing of emotions,mind and heart..Everything..and i thank God for still let me have my family to support me in getting up from this huge fall. You were always there for me when i fall but now, i have to get up on my feet on my own..I think, its really the time for me to really let you go..Away from my life but not away from my heart..
I'll take your words in the past, to make a comeback in life and come nearer to God..You will always be the most precious friend in my life..

Ya Allah, take me back in your arms now that i am free..Secure me with your love..Ya Allah..I've lost in your all your challenges for me..I surrender...
new skin, without the old memories, not even a bit...do wish me well in getting my feet back up..thanks for all those emails on well wishes..thanks soo much..
Ignore those past entries before this...i tried to delete them but failed..so just ignore them..don't even bother to read..it might develop a misunderstanding situation again..