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Monday, October 09, 2006
Beauty was the ticket to success and jobs and love, but beauty meant thiness and i'm having a hard time to get thin..Not hard time mayb i need a longer time...I often see dumb girls with great legs passed me..How i wished i could have legs like tat...How i wished i could wear anything without any doubts or trouble...And i mean anything tat includes sassy lingerie...Yeh..I'm not out of my mind...I just had enough...This is a war of attrition,I simply decided I'd enough..Enough of looking in the mirror and cursing myself out b4 I'd even brushed my teeth...Enough of punishing myself and my body...Enough of jus sitting in the shade reading a book or looking at the girls sexy body while everyone else is swimming... Enough of looking up at mirrored ceilings in elevators to assure myself tat i was pretty..Enough of trying my best to undo situation tat steadily got less undoable..It's not tat i've given up but i just choose to stop the drama...I noe i have super LOW self-esteem and LOW self-confidence....But I certainly have to change my standards and attitude...I got to...Don't care if my boifey leaves me coz he finds smn else more sexier and prettier than me...Smn's damned cute with dimples,fairer than me,beautiful to stare for hours or watever the adjective is...I dun care all tat now...Its all up to him..I noe i'm not tat "beautiful" to walk wif him hand in hand outside..If he loves me for who i am, he'll choose to stay..But if i wants smn prettier, go ahead..I noe my own weakness..Its not tat i wanna break up wif him or i have broken up wif him...I still lov him soo much okey!!!I just feel its time for me to work hard and lose some pounds...Do give me soome support plz..Its a long uphill battle ahead of me now...
Happie 46th bdae to my mum!!!!! Wooohoooo..And congrats to my father..!!! yehyeh!!! luv both of u eventhough sometimes u guys make my life horrible!!! haha...
the aftermath....