it still hurts;

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Have not been wOrking fOr the past few day...Have to sacrifice the time and money...My mum has been hospitalised on Thursday..I was damned "cuwak" already...I tot everything was going to end..But luckily she was alrite...Been seeing her lying on the hospital bed with tubes sticking to her body makes me wanna cry...Eventhough i have seen her like tis wen i was still young...It still hurts me...My everyday seems to be not complete without her..Everything i got to to..From doIng the laundry, to the heating of foods,keeping the house clean...Plus its the fasting month and i got to wake up early to heat the food for sahur...Get ready for Break fast..I'm damned tired...I'm not complaining but all tis was done by her wen she was well...Now i noe how tiring it is for her doing the housework with her sickness...I'm sorie Mak, i didn't help u much...Luckily ders my Cik Pah and Cik Ros to help me out with the food...Thanks Aunties!!
Sometimes i feel like crying but i held back the tears..I try not to infront of Anis and Dad....I dun wan them to think tat i feel the same way like they do...I want them to feel brave...I just wish i could cry out..But i can't..i just can't...Everytime the pool of tears started to fill my eyes, i would held them back from flowing..The pain i feel inside seeing mum like tat, nobody noes...
Yesterday I caught Anis crying..Her eyes was swollen which looks likes after finish crying..I asked her wat happen..But she just kept quiet..I didn't ask further...I noe how she felt..She was the pampered child in the house and i noe she missed mum alot..I tried not to pressure her...Den i saw mum's clothing beside her..And she was wearing mum' night gown too!!! This shows me tat she really misses mum/...I'm not saying tat i'm not but i just dun wanna show it...I wanna be like Dad....I noe he feels miserable but he doesn't wanna show it to his children...Its ok..I wanna be brave outside...I dun wanna think bout werk, my tiredness,my feelings and myself...I just wanna concentrate on the house and mum....Tats the best i could do...I 've been learning how to cook tis few days...I think its time for me to learn something bout the kitchen...I was planning to bake the cookies for tis year hari raya...Have to buy Anis's and mum new shoes...I can make hari raya tis year like normal hari raya!! Yeah!! You can do it Ain!!! ANybody got nice and simple recipes for hari raya?? Make sure its simple for a lazy and un patient person like me...
P.S:IDUNWANNALOSEYOU!!!